


Silver Dreams

by Unscrewed_Up



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, first year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 00:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 20,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15327603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unscrewed_Up/pseuds/Unscrewed_Up
Summary: First year Remus Lupin did not expect the letter that arrived on his 11th birthday. He did not expect to make friends either. Little did he know that this year would be the year that changed his life.First Year Marauders Fic, Completed. Possible Sequel. NEW CHAPTER EVERYDAY!





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

Chapter One: The Letter.

* * *

 

Dread. Tomorrow night it would happen again, he thought. Every single month it happened yet every single month he was filled with just as much fear. He could not escape it.

"REEEEEMUUUUS! WAKE UP! TODAY'S A SPECIAL DAY!", Remus shot out of his nightmarish daydreams and thought, 'what could be so good about today?', and then he remembered: today he was finally 11 years old.

He shot down the stairs like a bullet, led by the smell of pancakes, pancakes with chocolate! He landed with a thud -having missed the final step- and stared at his mother. She smiled serenely at him and -for once- she did not seem worried for him in the slightest. She led him to the wooden table in the kitchen that overlooked the surrounding area, the house was so isolated from the rest of the world that it sometimes felt like nothing else existed…

"CHOCOLATE PANCAKES!", he squealed with a grin set on his face. His childish delight was sharply contrasted with the many scars that covered his face, some were hidden by his floppy caramel coloured hair but many still adorned his otherwise delicate and pale features.

Only after demolishing his breakfast did Remus look at what was sat upon the table; he had not expected it at all. After all, he had always assumed that he would never be able to go: it would be too dangerous.

He pinched his arm under the table, and felt his heart beating twice as fast as usual, he could not believe it. He neatly opened the letter and read it.

* * *

 

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1st. We await your owl by no later than 31st July.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Deputy Headmistress.

Remus grinned from ear to ear, pausing for a moment, before turning to the next piece of parchment:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

1\. Three sets of plain work robes(black)

2\. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

3\. One pair of protective gloves (dragonhide or similar)

4\. One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)

by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic

by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory

by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration

by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi

by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions

by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection

by Quentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPMENT

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

Students may also bring, if they desire, an owl OR a cat OR a toad.

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICK.

Yours sincerely,

Lucinda Thomsonicle-Pocus,

Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions.

* * *

 

Remus stared in wonder at the letter and tears of joy streamed down his face: he was going to school… he was going to school for the first time in his life!

The countdown to September 1st has begun!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Ollivanders.

* * *

 

After receiving his Hogwarts acceptance letter, the following months flew by for Remus. He had heard every story of his parents years at Hogwarts many times over; every thought he had was about what his school years would be like: Which house would he be in? What type of friends would he have? Which classes would he enjoy most? Even the usual dread of his monthly transformations were shadowed by his excitement for September 1st.

With one week remaining until September 1st he visited Diagon Alley: a cobblestoned Street with many shops selling the widest variety of items Remus had ever seen. After what felt like a lifetime, Remus had finally bought his writing quills, parchments and Ink (from Scribbulus Writing Instruments), potion ingredients (from Slug and Jiggers Apothecary), as well as school books (from 2nd hand books), and school robes (from 2nd hand robes) - as Remus couldn't afford to buy these things new. There was only one final shop to visit: Ollivanders.

Looking at the door to Ollivanders, Remus read the aged sign with peeling gold letters, hung over the door, it read:

'Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.'.

The shop was extremely narrow and shabby, he thought, there were thousands of boxes stacked up to the ceiling, covered in a thin layer of dust, Remus knew -as his parents had told him- that every single wand in the shop was waiting for a Witch or Wizard who was perfectly suited to it.

"Ah, this wand is perfect! 11 Inches, Mahogany, pliable, Perfect for transfiguration! This wand seems to have chosen you", said the man -whom Remus assumed must be Mr Ollivander.

He was addressing a tall dark haired boy with hair that looked quite windswept, the boy grinned as his parents, or possibly his grandparents, payed for his wand. He glanced at Remus briefly, but before Remus could say anything, he left the shop.

Remus suddenly panicked, 'what if', he thought, 'what if he was not really a wizard and none of the wands were suited to him? What if he arrived at school, with no wand, and was laughed at before immediately being sent home?'.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"Hello, Sir, I… I came to buy a wand…", Remus said bashfully, staring at his shoes as he felt his face burn.

"Well, let's begin with this one", said Ollivander, handing a box to Remus. Remus opened the box and removed the wand, he waved it around, expecting something spectacular, but there was… nothing.

"Hmmm", Ollivander handed Remus many wands, and nothing happened. He was beginning to doubt if he would ever find the one, 'they must have tested half of the shop by now...'. Then, Ollivander seemed to vanish, he had crawled under the counter, revealing a dusty, somewhat battered box. He handed the box to Remus.

"This is the one, I am certain of it", proclaimed Ollivander in a somewhat startling manner.

Remus made a statement to himself, assured of its certainty, 'if this is not the one I will accept that there must be no wand suited to me, as I feared…'.

BANG! A large amount of light flew out of the wand, throwing Remus back by a significant amount. It was the one! He had finally found the wand that was perfectly suited to him! He could not believe it.

"11 and one quarter inches, unicorn hair, cypress, very pliable. Of course, this would be the one for you. Unicorn hair makes the most faithful wands, destined for those who would be hardest to turn to the dark arts, a wand most suited to someone loyal and pure at heart. It will serve you well in the future, I am sure of it".

"Thank you very much, sir! I will prove myself worthy of such a brilliant wand", said Remus, visibly elated by the beautiful nature of his wand.

As he left Ollivanders, Remus felt the giddiness return; in 7 days time he would be boarding the Hogwarts express and going to school!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters.

* * *

 

September 1st, Remus felt as if he had waited his entire life for this day. He had checked, double checked and triple checked his belongings, making sure he had absolutely everything he would need for school. Now, all he had to do was wait. It was quarter to ten, there were fifteen minutes remaining until the Hogwarts express left from platform nine and three-quarters. He looked carefully at his mother and father, trying his best not to cry: he had to be brave now, he had to prove he would be perfectly well without them ; he wasn't sure that was true…

He threw himself forwards, clinging to his mother one last time, taking in the soft, warm scent that surrounded her. She slowly put her hand through his hair with an unspoken understanding, she knew that this year would be so hard for him. She just hoped he would make some friends and be happy once he got to school. He gave his father a sideways glance, though they loved each other, Remus could not remember the last time he had hugged his father, it felt as if his father always held him at arms length: never quite close enough, though Remus had the desire to be so. 'Maybe, if things had been different, he would have loved me more…', he often caught himself thinking such things before scolding himself for it; a singular tear crept down his face as he said his last goodbyes.

* * *

 

Walking along the corridors of the Hogwarts Express, trying to hide the rising panic in his chest, Remus realised there were few seats remaining. The majority of the compartments were full.

Remus finally found a compartment, he saw that the boy from the wand shop was inside. Building up as much courage as he could muster, he drew a deep breath and asked, "May I sit with you?".

The boy shrugged and gestured to the seat near the window on his right; Remus awkwardly fell into the seat and stared around to the other occupants of the compartment: opposite him -occupying the window seat- was a beautiful girl, with fierce flame coloured hair. She had tears forming in her bright emerald green eyes and she looked quite flustered, however, Remus could not think of what to say to her and looked away.

The boy next to the girl was really quite handsome – Remus couldn't help but stare, though he felt slightly embarrassed- the boy had a pale face with well defined cheek bones, his grey eyes glowed fully behind the wavy hair that flowed around his face, he kept grinning at the boy from Ollivanders, as if there was some kind of secret joke between the two of them. Remus panicked, what if they were grinning about him? What if it was him that they found quite amusing?

Remus felt slightly shameful as he thought of all the things he may have already done wrong, it was just he had absolutely no idea how to behave around children of his own age. After all, his parents had never previously allowed him to attend school and all the other children stayed well away from his house, he knew all they had thought he was weird. His parents were all the company he had ever had and -until now- he had not realised how problematic it was.

It was not until he looked up that he saw the boy nearest the door, there was something about him that had made him almost invisible, yet Remus could not place what it was. He had a round, blushed face, a blond bowl cut and a nervous expression. Remus smiled slightly at the sight of him, at least he was not the only nervous person here.

Remus heard footsteps, hastily approaching the compartment before the door had slid open and a skinny boy with a pale face covered by dark, slick hair jumped in. This did not stop the two boys with the secret joke talking loudly together, it sounded as though they had never previously met but Remus had initially thought they must be very close.

"I don't want to talk to you" she said shakily, sounding strained as the boy who had just entered took Remus' place near the window, shoving him forcefully -as if he were not there- in the process.

"Why not?"

"Tuney h-hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore".

"So what?", the boy said, managing to keep his voice shockingly calm.

"So she's my sister!"She threw him a cold look of dislike, yet he took no notice -or at least pretended not to.

"She's only a-", he caught himself quickly, however, anyone could see he would not have been bothered by what he was about to say, if not for the girl he was talking to. The girl, wiping her eyes, was too deeply upset to have heard him. He seized this chance to divert the subject away from the girl's sister.

"But we're going!", he said, putting a forceful amount of joy and genuine excitement into his voice with equal measure, "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"

She nodded at him, looking up as she wiped the last of her tears away. In spite of herself she half-smiled; the argument from moments ago had been almost forgotten.

"You'd better be in Slytherin", the boy said, he seemed subtly lightened by the brightness that had crept into her face.

"Slytherin?"

Remus saw him, the boy from Ollivanders, he was dark haired and of equal size to the other boy, yet Remus could see from his demeanour that he was far more well cared for and self – assured than the other. He gave off an air of believing he could do no wrong, 'how dangerous', thought Remus, anticipating the events that happened next, he hid himself in his book, 'I'd rather not get involved…'.

"Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?", he addressed the handsome boy whom he'd already found a mutual understanding: his partner in crime.

The boy, however, did not smile as Remus had anticipated, "My whole family have been in Slytherin".

"Blimey," said the boy from Ollivanders, "and I thought you seemed alright!".

This had made the handsome boy -who had previously seemed mildly offended- crack a smile, "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?".

"Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart, like my dad!", the boy who was chasing after the beautiful girl, made a discreet yet disparaging noise. The boy from Ollivanders turned on him, snapping round like a whip.

"Got a Problem with that?".

"No", though he could not hide the degrading sneer that slipped from him (which had said otherwise), "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?", interjected the handsome boy, he could barely hold back from laughing at his own wit and even Remus -admittedly- had to bite his lips to keep away the laughter. The boy from Ollivanders -however- did not see any need to hold in his amusement and instead roared with laughter, leaning over and exaggerating his every movement.

This had made the girl sit up, clearly not amused at the remark, she said, "Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment", flushing with second-hand embarrassment for her friend.

"Oooooo", the two boys cruelly imitated her, Remus felt a pang of guilt for doing nothing, the boy from Ollivanders attempted to trip Severus up as he got out of the compartment.

Remus felt himself instinctively whisper, "sorry" as Severus climbed past him, and he saw a small smile returned at his feeble gesture.

"See ya, Snivellus!", screamed the other boy, still imitating the girl as Severus slid the door shut with a bang whilst the girl sighed and took a hold of his arm.

"What idiots, Lily", Severus had proclaimed behind the supposed safety of the glass door, Remus had found himself chuckling, he knew that he was the only one in the compartment who could hear the remark.

"I know right", said the boy, who clearly thought Remus was laughing at him and his friend, "I'm Sirius, Sirius Black", he jokingly winked and Remus blushed for reasons unknown – even to himself.

"And I'm James Potter, don't forget it!", he laughed and then added, "Who are you?".

To Remus, it felt like an interrogation: not a polite question, "I'm…I'm Lupin, Remus Lupin, It's nice to meet you", he subconsciously looked at Sirius as he said this.

"I imagine it would be", said Sirius, laughing at himself – again.

"That Girl, she was so perfect, don't you think? What was she doing with a slime ball like Snivellus?!", James said with fury.

"Well, I am certain Lily must adore you, James" said Remus with such sarcasm that he shocked even himself.

"Why wouldn't she?", James replied -not seeing the joke- whilst Sirius just laughed, along with the invisible boy. Remus had forgotten he was there, he felt guilty.

"Excuse me, but, who are you?" Remus sheepishly asked.

"Peter Pettigrew, and I want to be in Gryffindor too! Which house do you want to be in Remus?"

"I don't know, I don't particularly mind", he saw the looks on the three faces surrounding him, then quickly added, "though Gryffindor sounds great, I just don't think I am brave enough…".

"I guess we will find out soon enough, look!" James half squealed with excitement "I can see Hogwarts!".


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: The Great Lake.

* * *

 

"Oi! Remus! Get in this boat!", James screamed, gesturing with his hand for Remus to follow him.

"Yeah, ok, sorry, I was just... nevermind", he smiled, as he looked up, the castle loomed ahead, it was truly magical, in more ways than one. He had found himself lost in awe, so much so that he had forgotten all about choosing a boat. Hagrid (as the tall but kind man was called) had been telling all the first years about what their journey across the lake would entail, however, Remus had found his words had washed straight over him like the great lake's dark, murky water.

Remus took one step forward, approaching the boat - occupied by James, Sirius and Peter - when a large hand settled itself upon his shoulder, with such weight that he sunk several inches into the floor.

"Remus? Can yeh get in tha' boat?", Hagrid had crouched down to Remus' height and spoken in a whisper. Remus knew the question was rhetorical and nodded.

"Please can you wait a moment for me, Hagrid? I'm so sorry", Remus felt incredibly guilty that he was leaving James, Sirius and Peter. After all, they had been so nice to him, but he knew he was obligated to do as he was asked.

"Yeh've got nothin' to be sorry for", Hagrid had replied, seeing the guilt filled look in Remus' eyes.

"James, I-I'm really sorry I can't come with you..." Remus stuttered awkwardly, James seemed irate at the revelation, Peter seemed slightly disappointed, yet Sirius... Sirius had shown nothing. Remus had secretly hoped Sirius would be upset but he pushed the thought from his mind immediately, 'Don't be so selfish! What an absurd thing to want...’.

Remus hurried himself away and approached Hagrid again. They climbed into the boat and -for a moment- Remus felt slightly disheartened that no one - other than Hagrid - would be with him, then he realised that may be what Hagrid had intended. The boat seemed to move of its own accord and Remus found himself peering into the depths of the water; any fears he had of falling in the lake were dispelled by stories he had heard about the giant squid.

"Dumbledore wants yeh teh go teh his office, to talk 'bout yeh... Problem...", Hagrid's voice had lowered with his final word, yet he sounded as kind as ever. However, Remus felt a surge of panic rush through his mind.

'How many people knew?!', Remus had hoped only Dumbledore knew and that he needn't tell another person but he realised - with Hagrid's words- that this was not the case. He dreaded to think how he would be stared at and outcasted were everyone to know...

Seeing Remus' look of horror had made Hagrid feel incredibly empathetic. He himself could remember his first year and how afraid he had been of anyone finding out that he was half-giant, he knew exactly what it was like to be stared at and questioned.

"Don't yeh worry yehself, I don' care what yeh are. Yeh a good person an' that's what matters. If yeh ever wan' teh talk yeh can visit me anytime", Hagrid's smile was so utterly sincere that Remus knew he really didn't see him as some awful monster and he did truly mean what he had said. His insides melted at the thought of being accepted, he had never felt so unburdened in his entire life.

He gave Hagrid a weak yet sincere smile, and then found himself in a bone-crushing embrace, but he did not care that it hurt: everything was going to be ok, Remus was certain of it.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: The Sorting Hat.

* * *

 

The doors swung open. Hagrid led the group of first years from the boats into the castle.

Remus had never been anywhere so beautiful in his life, there was something so odd and charming about every small detail that made up the castle: the way the portraits that lined the walls moved, the way the staircases overhead seemed to be moving of their own accord, and the way the warmth filled him from the inside, it was so reassuring. He just knew he wanted to discover every inch of this place and every secret it held.

"First years, this way please!", she spoke with a calm yet stern voice, her face kept stiff and her dark hair tied back, "I am Professor McGonagall and I will be leading you to the Sorting Ceromony. This is where you will discover which of the four houses you belong to, this is where you will find your friends and even your family for the next seven years. You will have your classes with them, share your dorms with them, and most importantly: share your memories with them. The choices made here will shape you more than you will know, but remember this: the Sorting Hat never makes the wrong decision. Well then, we better hurry, the whole school is waiting", and with that she strode forwards, opening the doors to the Great Hall.

Every other year group had already taken a seat at one of four tables, Remus knew each one was designated to one of the four houses, and the conversation on the train lingered in his mind, 'what if I get put in Slytherin, is it really that bad?', he knew that none of the houses would be 'bad' but he also knew the others would not be impressed if they were all in Gryffindor and he was in Slytherin.

It was not until Remus pulled himself away from such thoughts that he saw the hat sat upon the three-legged stool, it was a very shabby, very old looking hat and Remus felt utterly bewildered as to why exactly it had been placed in front of the headmaster's seat. He had failed to associate such a worn out hat with the fabled Sorting Hat.

The boy must have seen the confused but mildly amused expression cross his face as he whispered, "The Sorting Hat decides where we belong. Isn't it so interesting? It was made by the founders themselves, you know?", the boy was short, he had light brown skin, dark brown hair and bright blue eyes that lit up the moment he had imparted his knowledge on Remus. It was then that Remus observed the boy clutching stiffly to his robes, sweating profusely, Remus smiled, that nervous expression had reminded him so much of Peter, he hoped Peter was not too afraid of where he would belong.

The boy gasped, "Look!", the Sorting Hat's Stiches had burst and a mouth-like tear had formed:

_"I've done this job for centuries_

_On every student's head I've sat_

_Of thoughts I take inventories_

_For I'm the famous Sorting Hat._

_There's nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can't see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be._

_You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve, and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart;_

_You might belong in Hufflepuff,_

_Where they are just and loyal,_

_Those patient Hufflepuffs are true_

_And unafraid of toil;_

_Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,_

_if you've a ready mind,_

_Where those of wit and learning,_

_Will always find their kind;_

_Or perhaps in Slytherin_

_You'll make your real friends,_

_Those cunning folks use any means_

_To achieve their ends._

_I've sorted high, I've sorted low,_

_I've done the job through thick and thin_

_So put me on and you will know_

_Which house you should be in..."._

The entire room exploded with applause, Remus felt his body shake slightly. He realised everyone here was going to be anticipating which houses he and the other first years were placed in. He wanted to escape their judgement, their piercing stares, their engulfing sounds echoing around him.

He looked up. The ceiling must have been enchanted in some way, for now the sun had set and the Great Hall was littered with stars, and there it was. A waxing gibbous; Remus couldn't escape it: only four days until the next full moon and he had no idea how he was going to deal with it, no idea how he'd do it alone, no idea where to go or what to do. And that was when the enormity of where he was hit him.

"...Adrian!".

The first of them had gone, he sat, and waited. He reacted slightly to the hat on his head but there was nothing. All anyone could do was wait: where would the first of them be sorted this year?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: The Sorting Ceremony.

* * *

 

The Sorting Hat had decided; the first of them had found his place among the Hogwart's Houses.

"HUFFLEPUFF!".

One of the tables roared at this, they must have been the Hufflepuffs, as Adrian was making his way to the table; placing himself into the closest empty space.

* * *

Not long afterwards Remus heard a name that had certainly grabbed his attention,

"Black, Sirius!".

Sirius walked calmly, head held high towards the stall and allowed Professor McGonagall to rest the hat above his head.

 

'Hmmm. How very interesting, a Black... Slytherin would be the obvious choice; you are very ambitious. There's something else, you want to be different from your family? How rebellious... very brave of you. What's that? Not Slytherin? You want to be a Gryffindor? Is that what you are asking of me? Very well then, though you would be great in Slytherin...".

"GRYFFINDOR!".

One side of the room was roaring celebration, however, this was quickly drowned out by the outrage hissing from the opposite table. Remus quickly saw that these outraged pupils must be the Slytherins, this did not seem to phase Sirius: he ran, arms raised in jubilation, straight to The gryffindor table, happily screaming his celebrations as he went.

* * *

 

"Evans, Lily!".

The hat seemed to deliberate over its decision for some time before Remus heard -as only he could- Lily whisper behind her hand, 'Not Hufflepuff, not Ravenclaw, please, Gryffindor...', then, she looked up, smiling at the hat.

Not a moment later it announced, "GRYFFINDOR!".

* * *

 

Remus felt the fear build up inside of him, for each name called was a name closer to his own. His anxieties grew, 'What if you belong nowhere? What if you are not good enough for any of the houses? What if the hat sends you away?'.

"Lupin, Remus".

He felt pulled towards the hat, automatically seating himself on the three-legged stool.

'Hmmm. How very interesting, never before have I got to sort one of your kind... You are certainly extremely loyal and hard working... You're also quite ambitious, got something to prove, have you? You are eager to learn, also. Well, that really is quite interesting. There is something else, something you cannot see in yourself: you are far braver than you will ever know. It seems you are well rounded, I could quite easily put you wherever I please, but, will you take that leap of faith?'.

'I... I will decide for myself, my destiny is my own, I already know where I want to be: whether I am worthy or not... GRYFFINDOR!'

'Anyone with the bravery to choose their own path is certainly worthy...'.

"GRYFFINDOR!".

Remus felt his heart was fit to burst, he had really done it! He walked carefully over to the Gryffindor table and felt a hand grasp his own, pulling him over: it was Sirius.

"YEAH, you did it, Remus! You really did it! I knew you were brave enough, I just knew it!", Sirius patted him firmly on the back; parting so that Remus could take the seat next to him.

* * *

 

"Pettigrew, Peter".

'I see cunning in you, it would seem your loyalty lies only with yourself... Yet, I see something else, I see the power of friendship would truly change you. You may seem rather cowardly now but I am certain you will be brave when the time comes. Never, in all my years, have I seen a child who could so easily be fitted into both Slytherin and Gryffindor. This is truly fascinating, very rarely do I see someone so conflicted: your choices will be what define you in the end...'.

Whispers around the room caught Remus' attention, Peter had been sat for at least five minutes, no one had taken quite this long to be sorted.

"He's a hatstall", "A hatstall? How very rare, I wonder what the hat is deliberating between?"...

'Gryffindor? You have the heart to take matters into your own hands? Very well, you have tipped the balance and found your own way...'.

"GRYFFINDOR!".

Peter joined both Remus and Sirius, looking slightly shaken but otherwise pleased.

* * *

 

Only a few moments later, James was called and he stepped forwards:

"Potter, James".

The moment the hat touched upon James head, it had already made its decision:

"GRYFFINDOR!".

He raced through the Great Hall and flung himself between Remus and Sirius, hugging Sirius tightly he said, "We both ended up together! I knew it!".

Though he felt guilty for it, Remus was secretly envious of James and Sirius: he desperately wished he was as close to them as they were to each other. He shook his head and tossed the thought out of his mind.

* * *

 

"Rainier, Alaric".

The snowy haired boy, walked confidently to the three-legged stool, he sat himself gracefully upon it and waited. He blew bubbles with his bright gum - that seemed to change colour each time he blew a new bubble - and smiled, his ice blue eyes shining as the hat decided where to place him.

"GRYFFINDOR'".

The boy sauntered towards the Gryffindor table and sat opposite Remus, his gaze remained fixed to the stool as he leaned forward, offering a piece of gum to Remus.

"Thanks, Rainier", Remus wondered why this confident, girlishly handsome boy was offering him gum, but he did not comment on the strangeness of it.

"Just call me Alaric. How else will I know you are talking to me?", with this Alaric laughed and pointed to the boy stood near the door.

"Rainier, Aldric".

Another snowy hair boy, though slightly shorter walked forward. However, Remus observed, this boy did not radiate the confidence of his twin, his dull grey eyes remained focused on the floor as he sat down.

"SLYTHERIN!".

Aldric looked slightly surprised : Alaric was heartbroken. Gasps were audible from every single part of the Great Hall, 'how could it be? Twins sorted into different houses, it was unheard of.', Remus had imagined twins would have such a closeness that they could not possibly be separated; he was wrong.

"NO! THIS CANNOT HAPPEN, WE CANNOT BE SEPARATED!", Alaric was screaming at this point whilst Aldric had slipped into the Slytherin table, seemingly undisturbed by the Sorting Hat's decision. Remus knew that, however much Alaric protested, 'the sorting hat never makes the wrong decision'.

* * *

 

"Snape, Severus".

The hat barely touched Snape's black, slick hair before declaring, 'SLYTHERIN!'. James scoffed, "Not surprising is it? All the slimeballs and idiots are sorted into Slytherin".

"Seems they forgot about you, then, didn't they?", it was Alaric who spoke, sneering at James, "You know, my brother just got sorted into Slytherin and he's ten times anything you'll ever be, you stupid little prat".

James stood, trying to hold himself over Alaric, "Try me and then you'll know better", he growled into Alaric's face.

With that, Alaric snapped. He grabbed James' collar and pulled him closer, "Look who's acting so brave(!) You won't be so brave after I've finished with you, at least I will give you something to cry to your mother about", he grinned manically, his pupils dilating as he shoved James back into his seat, "You have been warned, nobody messes with my brother and gets away with it, not on my watch".

James whispered something: Sirius smiled and laughed, but Remus shook his head, "I don't agree, actually. What you said, it was just as bad as anything he said back".

"Fine! Be like that then! Why don't you run off with your new little friend? I don't care!", James said, turning away from Remus completely.

Remus felt crushed but he knew that James may not be the best person to hang around with, " Maybe I don't want to be friends with an arrogant, petulant child like you anyway!", and with that Remus turned away from James.

He saw both Lily and Alaric smile at him, reassuring him that he had been right to stand up to James, 'I really don't want to be friends with him, anyway! Stupid idiot...'.

* * *

 

"Zeki, Apollo".

A boy with curly brown hair, jet black eyes and skin - so perfect it seemed to glow in its own light - glided down the Great Hall with such grace that numerous girls -as well as several boys- giggled and swooned as he passed.

'He's so beautiful'.

'I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend'.

Is he part Veela or something?'.

'Must be'.

The Sorting Hat rested serenely on his handsome head, and deliberated for some time. Apollo smiled, his teeth dazzling multiple students: the hat had decided where the last of them would belong.

"RAVENCLAW!".


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Dumbledore.

* * *

 

"Jelly Babies", Remus uttered the password. Hagrid had told him he must say 'Jelly Babies' to gain entrance to Dumbledore's office. The stone Gargoyle sprung to life, clearing the way to Dumbledore's office by revealing a spiral staircase.

Remus ascended the spiralling staircase and felt his fears clawing against the edges of his mind. He did not wish to imagine what Dumbledore wanted to say, for - every time he did - he was left with the sinking feeling that it would not end well.

The headmaster's office was a large, circular room, surrounded by sky-high book cases, containing the most impressive collection of magical books Remus had ever laid his eyes upon and - he imagined - even the school library would not hold books half as interesting as the titles collected here (many of which were published in languages Remus could not comprehend).

Portraits hung upon the wall (not unlike the ones scattered around the rest of the castle), however, many of the inhabitants seemed to have vacated their paintings.

Remus noted that there were many strange and alluring silvery instruments, that seemed to function of their own accord, emitting puffs of smoke as they did so.

Though, Remus' interest in all of these fascinating objects paled as he was drawn towards the headmaster's desk: a beautiful bird was perched peacefully, eyeing Remus with such curiosity; drawing him closer. He reached out a hand to gently pet the bird but it leaned into his embrace and cried. Remus panicked, 'I have made the beautiful bird cry. What can I do? Dumbledore will most likely be rather angry that I have upset his bird'. The bird's tears were oddly soothing and Remus soon felt his anxieties over the situation wane in comparison to the calm that was washing over him.

"Hello, I see you have met Fawkes".

"Sir, I am sincerely sorry, I... I made him cry... I do not know what I have done wrong, but, I really... I am sorry! I would never...".

"Do not worry yourself, you have done nothing wrong"', Dumbledore was observing Remus' panicked apologies with a slightly amused expression, his kind, bright blue eyes calmly watched Remus from behind the half-moon spectacles that rested upon his slightly crooked nose.

"But I..".

"A Phoenix cries to cure the pain of others, he must sense a great pain within you and wish nothing but to heal it. Rest assured, you have done nothing wrong", at this Dumbledore smiled kindly, with such reassuring sincerity that Remus could not help but feel at ease.

Taking a seat in his chair he sat gracefully and continued:

"I imagine you can guess why I have brought you here. It is not safe for you to be discovered, and I would discourage you from informing anyone, and I mean anyone, of your lycanthropy. I am aware of your secret, as is every staff member, however they are sworn to secrecy on the matter".

"Every month you will leave the grounds and visit an abandoned house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. To access this house you will enter the secret passage way, located under the whomping willow that was planted during the summer. You will be brought there by a member of staff; they will leave you, not returning until the morning. You must not tell anyone; I cannot stress this enough".

"Sir, I will not let you down", Remus felt petrified at the thought of being alone in an abandoned house but, he knew, it was necessary. He certainly did not intend on revealing his darkest secret to anyone, no matter what.

"I have one more thing I wish to give you before we go our separate ways. I am sure it will be of use to you", Dumbledore handed the strange telescope-like object to Remus.

Examining the object -as if it were made of glass- Remus asked, "Sorry Sir, what is this?".

Dumbledore chuckled quietly but without spite, "I seemed to have overlooked a rather important piece of information: this is a Lunascope. You can look into it and see the Moon's current phase. It is certainly more simple than using a moon chart, and - arguably - more accurate".

"Thank you, Sir, I am grateful that you were kind enough to give me such a gift, and I am forever grateful that you have allowed me to attend your school. I will not let you down", Remus smiled and felt any fears he had slide away, there was nothing to fear about Dumbledore. He was the kindest man Remus had ever met, and he could see goodness in anyone, 'even someone like me'.

Remus descended the spiralling staircase and reflected, 'I hope to be like Dumbledore when I am old, I wish to see the good in anyone, give anyone a chance, be the one who's kindness extends to those that the kindness of others does not'.

He reflected further as he made his way towards Gryffindor tower (led by Professor McGonagall, who had not spoken to him) and that was when he had realised, 'when I am older, I would like to be a teacher, so I may teach others the kindness Dumbledore has taught to me on this day'.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Chapter Eight: Our First Night Apart.

* * *

 

Remus crept quietly past the common room and slipped silently into the 1st Year Boy's Dormitory. He saw his trunk lying upon an empty bed and proceeded to empty out the contents in the darkness. He organised each item methodically and tidied away his things.

After he had put on his pajama's, he began to gaze into the lunascope: the moon was almost completely full and the waxing gibbous shone upon his bright amber eye.

"Hello. I am glad you are not asleep", Alaric was whispering from the bed opposite with a slight amount of caution, "I really feel rather lonely without my brother, this is our first night apart".

"Hello, I have to admit, I feel quite strange without my family, but, as an only child, I cannot imagine how awful it must be"' Remus had spoken - with such reassuring honesty - that his comforting warmth spread through Alaric's chest.

"May I ask, what is that? It looks so cool!", Alaric's eyes had brightened -though Remus could only make this out because his eyes were used to the darkness.

"It is a lunascope", Remus said, panicking. How could he ever explain why he had a lunascope?, "Would you like to see?", Remus handed the lunascope to Alaric.

"That is incredible. The moon looks so full and so bright tonight".

Remus merely nodded. Hoping to change the subject, he asked, "What classes do we have tomorrow? I do not have a timetable".

"Ummm, we have Potions and triple Defence Against the Dark Arts", he paused, then added, "Are you looking forward to those classes?".

"Yes, Potions looks quite difficult but Defence Against the Dark Arts sounds very interesting", Remus felt almost giddy with excitement, "How about you?".

"Yes, I cannot wait! I want to learn about duelling, especially, as well as all sorts of dangerous creatures like Gytrashes and Vampires and Werewolves!", Alaric made no attempt to hide the intense enthusiasm in his voice and the fire that raged in his icy blue eyes.

Remus felt his entire body freeze. He realised just how easily he could lose his new friend. He fought against his head burning as he desperately looked for a way to change the subject (again), "I... I saw that your timetable was colour-coded, could you help me make one too?", he felt himself dragging the words through his throat; forcing them out.

"Sure, you want to do it now?", Alaric stared at Remus with eager, wide awake eyes (although, it was past midnight), "I have a quill that can change to any colour you ask it to!".

The two boys had both fallen asleep by half past one, both lying on Remus' bed; their heads buried in colour coded parchments, whilst their dreams were filled with the possibilities of the day ahead.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Professor Slughorn.

* * *

 

The smell of every breakfast delicacy imaginable wafted through the air. Remus and Alaric stared at each other for a moment, grinning.

Alaric helped himself to the largest pile of toast he could construct, filling each layer with sausage and bacon in turn until he reached the final slice, then he demolished the entire thing in moments! To Remus' shock and amusement, he was already searching for the next breakfast food he wanted to eat.

Remus decided upon porridge, with a small amount of sugar, before helping himself to a croissant. He wondered, 'who made such a vast amount of wonderful food', and he could not help but feel too embarrassed to gorge himself, despite his hunger.

"Wow! Look at the time, Remus! Let's get to potions, before we are late!", Remus and Alaric had been enjoying their conversation, about what their classes would be like, so much that they had not realised class was about to begin.

They had ran through the corridors and down the stairs, at such a speed, that they arrived to potions only a few minutes late. However, this few minutes had cost them both the liberty of choosing who they would be seated with.

There were two seats remaining: one next to Aldric, which Alaric took instantly (making Remus feel slightly abandoned) and one next to Severus, which Remus took with extreme caution. He felt certain that James and Sirius' behaviour on the train had reflected badly on him, and left Severus with a rather negative first impression. Though, if this was the case, nothing of the sort was mentioned as Remus took his textbook from his bag.

A short man with a portly looking stomach, slightly balding straw blond hair and a jolly demeanour stood at the front of the class, smiling whilst his gooseberry eyes shone brightly.

"Hello class! I am Professor Slughorn and today is our first class together. I would like you to read the instructions I have put up on the board: does anyone know what potion these instructions would make?", Slughorn looked around the class and nobody knew the answer, nobody except Lily Evans.

"Yes, but firstly, may I ask what your name is, young lady?", Slughorn smiled, clearly he had not expected anyone to know the answer, but he had been pleasantly surprised.

"Lily Evans, Sir. And Sir, I believe the potion on the board must be a Hiccoughing potion", she grinned at Slughorn, proud of herself for knowing the answer, and proud of herself for the reaction he had shown to this.

"How excellent, Lily! 20 points to Gryffindor!", he applauded her briefly before continuing, "Now class, I would like you, and your potions partner, to create a Hiccoughing potion for me. The best potion will win you, and your partner, a prize!", he laughed as every student rushed to their cauldrons and began.

Remus was partnered with Severus; he realised he could not let the incident on the train get in the way of his work. After all, it had not even been his fault.

"Severus, shall I go to the store cupboard and collect the required ingredients whilst you prepare the cauldron?", Remus smiled sincerely and hoped he would not be brushed off.

"It is fine, I shall collect the required ingredients; you can prepare the cauldron", Severus did not smile, but he did not scowl either; Remus knew this was a good sign as he waited for Severus to return.

The cauldron has been prepared and the majority of the ingredients had been dealt with and added to the cauldron. Severus had quite clearly known exactly what he was doing; Remus suspected he had pretended not to know what a Hiccoughing potion was so Lily could answer the question; his theory was later confirmed.

"Remus, would you like to add this?", Severus almost smiled as he asked this, he and Remus had been talking amicably about many subjects of common interest. Remus was deeply surprised that the seemingly harsh and unfazed boy was quite so fun to talk to.

"Yes please! But... this is not on the board?", Remus' voice inflected slightly, he did not want to question Severus' seemingly infinite wisdom on what they were doing, yet, he did not want to stray from his professor's explicit instructions.

"Do you trust me?".

"Yes".

"Watch this then", as Severus deposited the mystery additional ingredient the potion took a hue and thickness identical to Slughorn's example.

"That's incredible!", Remus gazed in awe at his Potions partner, he was so calm and collected, the pressure did not seem to phase him and his talent was obvious.

"Thank you, I am flattered", the pale boy had blushed slightly at the compliment, never in his entire life had anyone but Lily spoken such kind words to him.

"My, my, my! It seems we have our winners! My boys, you have done a marvellous job today", Slughorn gave each of them a pat on the back, a bar of chocolate and a letter. Lily also had such a letter, though she did not realise, as it had been hidden inside the first page of her potions textbook.

Walking out of the classroom together, Remus exclaimed to Severus, "We really did it! Although, it was almost entirely you", Remus did not want to take any credit for Severus' genius, in fact, he wanted to learn from it.

"You were great company; brilliant moral support", Severus' voice was coated in a sweet layer of sarcasm, 'did Severus just make a joke?!', Remus laughed.

"Well done guys! I knew you would win for sure, Sev", it was Lily, she had wedged herself between Severus and Remus; she held onto both of them - as if she was tying the group together.

"Have you opened your letter yet Lily?", Severus smiled as he said this: he did not smile for anyone else.

"Letter?".

"Slughorn slipped it into your potions book, did you not see?", Remus spoke this time, he felt as if he was interrupting something and instantly regretted his decision to speak.

"Ha ha, I guess not, what was it about?".

"Slug Club: Slughorn's group of favourites, it is supposedly quite fun to attend his parties", Severus seemed pleased that both he and Lily were in 'Slug Club' but Remus could not help but feel his invitation was another intrusion on the two of them.

"If we survive triple Defence Against the Dark Arts, I suppose the three of us should all go together, as a group", Lily had also made both a rather subtle joke and offered reassurances that Remus was not an intruder on their closeness.

The trio walked up the stairs together, laughing and joking, 'Defence the Dark Arts would be great, Slug Club would be great, everything was going to be great', Remus just knew it as he stared at Lily and Severus by his side.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Professor Solis.

* * *

 

"Mr Lupin! How dare you arrive late to my class?", a tall, stern, grey haired man screamed with a faint European accent, his voice shaking the students.

"But Sir, Remus was not the only person late to your class!", a girl - with fierce brown eyes and long blonde hair - stood from her desk. She towered over the other students and trembled slightly as she glared the Professor down.

"Sit, Worthington, I did not ask for your opinion. Mr Lupin was late to my lesson; any other student's late arrival does not change this fact", he eyed the Hufflepuff with the greatest curiosity yet he remained unmoved by her uproar.

"Sir! I think that you are being dreadfully unfair!", She screamed in his face, almost driven to tears by the injustice of the situation.

"Worthington!", he bellowed, "I did not ask what you think. Sit down, or, I will make you".

"Please don't get yourself into trouble for me Diana... It's ok...", Remus whispered to her, but not without the Professor hearing.

"And NOBODY cares for what you have to say, Mr Lupin. Sit! NOW!", The dreadful man, revelling in his cruelty towards the petrified boy, smirked.

"Yes Sir", Remus sat, at the back of the class, hoping to hide from the senseless and horrifying man.

"Not there! THERE! NOW!", he pointed with a deeply scarred, severely mangled hand - that looked permanently incinerated - towards the front of the class at a lonely desk, with nobody occupying the entire row. Remus sat, visibly shaking, but, refusing to break eye contact, he glared at the Professor with disdain.

"My name is Professor Solis, and today we will be learning about one of the most savage beasts known to wizard-kind. These creatures are class five dangerous magical creatures and these filthy, half-breeds should be treated as such. Today, class, we will be learning about werewolves".


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Forgiven, But Not Forgotten.

* * *

"It ran towards me, attempting to brutally murder me. I drew my wand and cast a particularly great disarming spell, this sent the beast back and I took my opportunity: the knife in my hand was raised; I was ready. However! The beast rose again! It had me pinned to the floor. In desperation, I slit it’s neck and the blood flowed upon me. I had saved yet another villiage!", Professor Solis has spent the entire hour telling the class of his 'heroic' days as a European werewolf hunter.

However, Remus was not convinced, 'A singular spell from any wizard is not going to deter a werewolf', he thought, 'A knife? I am certain I have done more damage to myself. Liar...'.

Most of the class seemed rather impressed by the Professor's stories, having long forgotten his cruel behaviour towards Remus. All except Lily Evans. She looked disgusted and upset when he spoke.

"Class, I will see you after lunch; we can continue the class then", he smiled slightly, then added "Do not be late, Lupin".

"Urgh, What an awful man. I hate him already", Lily whispered to Severus and Remus as they walked down the corridor, out of Professor Solis' earshot, "I mean the way he spoke to you", she looked at Remus before continuing, "And, the way he spoke of it, hunting down people and killing them for something that is no fault of their own, and enjoying it. Disgusting".

"But Lily! They're dangerous! Do you know what they would do to you? Even in human form, they are dangerous and awful! Have you not heard of Fenrir Greyback?", Severus had personally enjoyed Defence Against the Dark Arts far more than he expected to and could not understand Lily's defence of such dark creatures.

"I do not believe that every werewolf would be like him...", it was Remus who had spoken this time, he felt as if he had been set on fire, slowly burning up for the past hour. He knew it, 'Everyone would hate me if they knew', he knew it...

"I'm sorry, who is Greyback?", Lily felt ridiculous for asking, being a muggle, it sometimes felt as if she was out of the loop about everything.

"He bites the children of wizards who have wronged him, in the hope that their parents will reject them, then they'll grow up to resent wizards and... and attack more people...", Remus stated this in a shockingly matter of fact voice. Though he did not find out until recently, it had been Greyback who had attacked him, and it had been his father's fault. He forgave his father but that did not mean he had forgotten.

"Oh...", Lily shrank into herself. She felt shocked and sickened, "That's... awful".

Remus did not want to eat anymore. He made some feeble excuse about 'homework' and left; he headed towards Gryffindor tower, ascending the stairs, through the portrait, up yet more stairs and into the dormitory.

He had no intention of doing his homework, he had no intention of doing anything. He crawled into his bed and curled up into the tightest ball he could, holding himself together with his arms as he cried, and cried, and cried. Finally, the desperate sobbing had tired him so much that he fell into a deep and troubled sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

 Chapter 12: Ammorsus.

* * *

 

”Urgh, Professor Solis is officially the worst teacher ever!", Sirius exclaimed, whilst pressing his hand dramatically to his forehead.

"I cannot believe the prat expects a three foot essay on Werwolves!", James sighed, "He spent the entire class talking about himself! I don't even know anything!".

Remus sat up. He had intended to stay in bed for the rest of his life but then panic dragged him out of his sadness, 'Oh no! Solis is going to kill me!', he thought of the tales the Professor had told in class, 'True or not. I imagine I will be next!'.

"Umm... Remus? Are you ok? Did you fall asleep?", Sirius had sat on Remus' bed and was staring at Remus's bright amber eyes. Remus wished he had pretended to be asleep.

"Yeah. I didn't want to go to class", he lied; he was a bad liar. Sirius could see the dampness of his pillow and knew what he had been doing, after all, he himself had done the same thing often at home, 'poor kid', he thought, dispelling the thought of his mother and father away.

"Solis set you a five foot essay on werewolves", Remus looked as if he was going to burst into tears (again), "Don't worry Remus. He can't punish you for being late if you don't turn up!" Sirius laughed at his wit; Remus could not help but grin.

"We can do it together, if you'd like?", Sirius added, taking Remus' hand and pulling him away from his bed.

"Yeah, Sirius and I don't know anything, because we fell asleep after an hour of his stupid stories. But, you're pretty smart so I bet you can help us!", James didn't fully understand why Sirius was so eager to make Remus join them. After all, they both knew enough to get this essay done, if they felt like it. But, he also knew Sirius was onto something.

The three boys sat in the common room together, 'Remus knows a surprisingly large amount on the subject', thought Sirius.

Long after the essay was finished the boys were still hanging around, they had spent longer complaining about the essay than it had taken them to complete it.

"Hey James. I'd love to get revenge on Solis", Sirius' mind kept being drawn back to the start of Solis' first class: he had hated the way Solis had humiliated Remus, and he hated that Remus had allowed him to do so.

"Yeah! Can't believe the git gave us so much homework!", James was still unaware of the gesture Sirius was making, but he wanted to join in, all the same.

"How about we make all of the essays illegible?", James added.

"No... we will get the class into trouble, he won't care", Sirius couldn't think of anything suitable, "Maybe, transfigure the essays into ducks?".

"No.. not bold enough. Ducks are cute!", James didn't want to admit he had no idea what they could do either, 'how had he already ran out of hilarious pranks?'.

"You could... I mean, WE COULD use Ammorsus...", Remus became bolder with each word, "You know, jinx every essay to bite him, whevever he tries to go near the essays... bite, bite, bite!".

Sirius felt proud, he had drawn Remus in and he had turned out to be a mischievous mastermind!, "That sounds awesome! James, can you get Peter? We have a prank to plan!".

 


	13. Chapter 13

****

__

Chapter 13: Amber Eyes.

* * *

 

Remus, Sirius, James and Peter had spent the entirety of lunch talking of their incredible prank. Even the smallest details had been figured out and absolutely nothing could go wrong. 'I can't wait until Monday', thought Remus, 'Solis won't know what bit him! Oh no, what a terrible pun, maybe Sirius has been rubbing off on me...'.

History of magic was their next class, Remus had been seated next to Aldric. Aldric seemed really nice, though he hadn't spoken to Remus: he hadn't spoken to anyone, actually. The only exception was when Remus had saw him whispering to his kitten, she was usually hidden inside his sleeve, or resting on the palm of his hand. Pets were forbidden in class, however Aldric possessed more than enough Slytherin cunning to avoid the consequences.

Remus watched Aldric conjure some string out of the end of his wand, allowing the tiny kitten to play on his lap. He smiled, he had always wanted a pet; he was far too afraid of becoming attatched to anything he could accidentally harm, however.

Remus leaned over, "Hello cutie, what's your name?", Aldric grinned. Remus knew that if anything was going to make Aldric talk it was a mutual interest in the kitten.

" Umm... her name, it is Amber, umm, because her eyes are a beautiful shade of amber, like yours", Aldric had gone bright pink, he had barely kept eye contact and he was recoiling slightly. Remus felt slightly startled, he hadn't realised how soft Aldric's voice was, there was something strange about the way every word lingered. It felt as if you could miss it, were you not focused on him and him only.

"May I pet Amber?", Remus felt just as shy as Aldric, "And was that a compliment?", Remus personally detested his eyes; he couldn't imagine anyone else liking them.

" Well, I guess, it must have been, were it not an insult", Aldric gave a sheepish grin, "Of course you may, if she dislikes you I imagine she will tell you. Though, I must warn you, not even my brother can win her affection...".

Remus put out his hand, allowing her to take in his scent, he saw something in her eyes, 'could she smell it?', he panicked slightly, 'could she tell?'. No sooner had the thought occurred than she had decided to slide onto his lap, nuzzling a scar (barely a month old) that ran across his hand. He sighed.

" I can't believe it... You must have a way with animals", Aldric looked over at Remus' desk, trying not to give away that he did not know his name, "You have certainly charmed her, Remus Lupin".

" Class dismissed", Professor Binns said in a toneless voice.

Aldric and Remus left together, laughing as Amber nestled her way under Aldric's hat. Aldric stopped, like a fox, caught in the headlights.

"Oohhh Aaaaaldriiic, who's your boyfriiiend?", Bellatrix cackled, " Did you have to get a new saviour after Lucius and I put your brother in the hospital wing?".

"He's not...", Aldric started.

"Prove it!", she grinned manically, it was evident how much she enjoyed toying with him.

" Don't say that! He's mine!", a girl with sharp green eyes to match her sharp tongue appeared behind Remus, her light brown hair fell over her face slightly as she laughed.

"Makaila... mmm!" Aldric was petrified. With a flick of her hair, she leaned forwards, kissing Aldric with as much passion as any eleven year old could muster. She winked at Bellatrix and dragged the boys away.

"Are you b-both?", Remus stuttered, he could not understand what had just happened.

" Nooo, bad luck little Aldric! Your boyfriend really is cute though", with that she chuckled and vanished out of sight, just as fast as she had appeared.

"Wait! He's not my...", both boys shouted after her.

" I demand you come back here right now Mikaila Carter!", Aldric had crossed his arms at this and huffed.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: The Shrieking Shack.

* * *

 

"Sirius, I'm so sorry. No, I really I am! I really do want to go with you and James and Peter, but I cannot... Please, please do not leave! I'm sorry...", Remus sighed and sunk back into the armchair. Sirius believed Remus was avoiding them and he could not be convinced otherwise. This had deeply upset Remus, but, he had more pressing matters on his mind, presently.

6 o'clock. Professor McGonagall strode into the Gryffindor common room, her gaze sweeping across every inch of it, "Hello, Remus, do come with me", her voice had remained even, yet, she could not help but feel deeply sorry for the boy before her.

Remus obliged. Following McGonagall through the castle and across the courtyard, they reached the Whomping Willow. The Professor gracefully levitated a small twig towards the base of the tree. At once, it stopped thrashing out at them, and allowed the pair access to the passage hidden below.

Remus, by this point, had accepted the inevitability of his situation and sat himself in the corner, staring lifelessly at the pale streak of moonlight that was sneaking through the window. McGonagall returned to the passageway - with the pretence of leaving - but she could not leave him. She focused herself on her own transformations and her form was fluidly replaced by that of an aged but deligent cat.

Her eyes widened in horror as she watched from behind the doorway: the small boy was screaming, his body sharply contorted, it looked as if every bone in his body was being broken as his form altered. His amber eyes shone in the darkness but, she knew, nothing was left of the mild mannered boy in the face of the wolf that stared back.

It was agonising to watch the boy whimpering, he had prowled the room, throwing himself against the walls for many hours. Often, he would retire from such pointless actions and turn upon himself, tearing into his own flesh; savouring the sight of his own blood. She was powerless to stop him, and she knew it. She resolved to come back in the morning and tend to him then.

It was difficult to focus. McGonagall, the cat, the blood, him. He felt it. He was there. He was not there. His entire being burnt as he fought for control, but he was pinned down. There was nothing he could do. The wolf bent him to its will. There was nothing he could do.

Blood. Flesh. Blood. The night was nothing but a blur of foreign feelings and thoughts: though not his own, they were undeniably a part of him. He looked at the floor, a sea of red had flowed profusely over him. His clothes dirty and torn, his skin lacerated.

The first thing he saw was the mirror; he was drawn to it. He gazed into the deep and saddened eyes of the boy on the other side of the glass, for he did could not recognise him, and he cried. He could not do it anymore, sometimes he wished it would finally kill him, just so he would never have to wake up like this.

"Oh my goodness, the poor boy! It was worse than I could have imagined. Help me take him to the hospital wing...".

"Remus, can you hear me?", though he could hear, he could not reply, he could not move, he could not...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: An Eventful Week.

* * *

 

The smell of surgical nothingness was the first thing to assault his senses, followed by the relenting sunlight and the agonising whispering of sympathetic onlookers.

"Sev! He looks so sick! I cannot leave him alone!", Remus was stirred by the worried voice of Lily Evans, he did not want her to worry and hoped Severus would make her see sense.

"Lily we have triple Defence Against the Dark Arts in ten minutes, I do not see Sir being especially pleased at our absence", Severus drawled, with the slightest hint of bemusement, however, he paused for a moment, allowing Lily to think. She did not waver. He felt the same, though she did not know. "Perhaps... we should stay. I shall go back to my dormitory and bring him something he will like". Severus did not want to admit it, he quite liked the mild mannered Gryffindor. He walked off, attempting to keep his composure, 'it would be a shame, were he not around'.

"Lily, Severus... you do not need to... just... go...", Remus spoke brokenly, struggling to coherently organise his thoughts, let alone express them.

"I know we don't need to", Lily smiled, her emerald green eyes shining, her hair glowing, "We want to be here for you, Remus". She sat down next to Remus, "We are your friends, after all", she hugged him gently, leaning her head against his hair.

"Thanks... I really do love you Lily...", Remus kicked himself internally, 'great(!) Why the hell did I say that? That is not what I meant...', she said nothing. He closed his eyes, thinking deeply, "As a friend, of course".

"I know, we have only known each other for a few days!", she laughed and ruffled his hair, though it could not possibly get messier, 'In fact, I imagine my hair rivals James' after last night!', he chuckled silently at his own internal monologue.

"Hello Remus, you are awake", Severus almost smiled, almost, "I brought you some books, I thought you may enjoy them, and, of course, chocolate". Remus laughed, never had he imagined Severus could be so thoughtful.

"Thank you so much. I can't believe you are both so kind", Remus looked up, "Are you certain you do not wish to go to class?".

"No, I am sure it will be boring without you!", Lily brought herself closer to Remus; Remus edged away. He had seen Severus' face, he did not looked pleased. Remus realised, 'Does Severus like Lily? I guess that makes sense... it is fortunate he was not here a moment ago...'.

"Are you certain? You might miss something really important...", Remus was secretly hoping Lily would move away, he felt like a terrible friend. He could not betray Severus; he could not push Lily away either.

"We can study in the Library later, if you feel better", it was Severus who had spoken, had Remus not seen it with his own eyes, it would be impossible to know how upset Severus had been a moment earlier, "Lily and I need to go to lunch, we will certainly return afterwards".

"Sorry Remus, I am quite hungry", Lily got up from the bed, to Remus' relief, "Would you like us to sneak you anything?", she sweetly added.

" I am quite alright, thank you, I have already eaten plenty", he lied; he did not want to bother them further.

"Ok then!", Lily bent down and kissed his cheek before grabbing Severus' hand and walking away.

Severus saw red, his face had paled and his eyes had narrowed. However, he very quickly corrected himself and returned to his usual placidity, though that expression had not escaped Remus. 'My goodness, Lily! You will get me into a rather large amount of trouble, Severus looked as if he would murder me, if looks could kill...'.

Remus felt guilty; he knew it was not his fault. He also knew Lily was just a particularly touchy person, she often kissed and hugged many of her friends, however, those friends were not male.

'I do hope Severus does not view me as a threat, I do like Lily but, but I do not imagine she likes me. Regardless... we are friends, just friends! Nothing more... Even if, it would be wrong, I would hurt her! She is only my friend', Remus could feel his brain unraveling, he was burning up, he could not explain it. 'She's one of your only friends', he noted to himself, slightly bitterly, 'don't be so ridiculous...'.

These confusing and contradicting thoughts continued to plague Remus. Never had he had to deal with so many people, and so many feelings, 'it is far too complicated', he thought, 'I would rather sleep and forget about the events of this week, for it was truly an eventful week'. With this rather intelligent conclusion, he allowed his heavy eyes to close and his mind to drift, his body weightless as he fell into the mattress.


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

Chapter 16: Hallowe'en.

* * *

 

Remus sighed. The weeks had turned into months, yet everyday had been indistinguishable; Remus' monthly transformations had been the only indication that time had passed at all.

Everything was progressively worsening. He could not handle it. Often, he found himself crying into the darkness. James, Sirius and Peter had treated him as if he were invisible, Solis still detested his existence, and he felt like a third wheel in Lily and Severus' friendship.

His only comfort had been found in helping Alaric smuggle Aldric into the Gryffindor dormitories, but, since James, Peter and Sirius had caught them, that was no longer a possibility. Of course, this had made the boys dislike Alaric and Remus, "Traitors, you let a Slytherin into our dormitories!", shouted James when he arrived back early, followed by Sirius and Peter. Their lack of acknowledgment of his presence had become anger.

Remus became very anxious as Hallowe'en approached. It was to fall a few days before the full moon, and, knowing James, Sirius and Peter, he dreaded what kind of prank they were planning for such an occasion. He had seen them sniggering together and, sadly, he was not stupid; he knew the prank would probably be directed towards - at least - one of his friends.

The day finally came. Remus heaved himself from his bed... Nothing had happened, yet. Walking down to breakfast, alone, he wondered where Alaric was: he never seemed to be in the dorms anymore. Only when he reached the Great Hall did he spot the boy - though his snow coloured hair did not make this difficult. He was staring into his bowl, pushing its contents around. He always looked so miserable. Remus wished he could help; he could not.

Taking his place next to Alaric, Remus sipped his juice slowly. Everyday, he ate the same breakfast, in the same order; he was content with the mundane normality this brought to his day.

He choked. His throat, it was burning. It hurt so much, he felt the tears running down his face as he desperately gasped for air. He did not want to die. It was as if the beast inside of him was trying to escape the rational part of him, with the persistent tenacity of a wildfire. It was killing him. Never had he felt such pain, it was worse than any transformation, and many times more horrific.

He vaguely heard the screams, he vaguely saw the confused onlookers; everything was veiled by the pain. His eyes rolled inwards and his body lurched back, writhing and contorted on the floor.

One face stood apart from the rest, "What have we done?".


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen: Stay With Me.

* * *

 

_'What have we done?'._

_'What have I done?"._

Everything was blurred as the room swayed and span. Against a tide of nothingness, sat the boy: pale skin contrasted with dark hair, slender and undeniably beautiful. He was just beyond the fog, ' _I must find a way'._

 _"I'm so sorry",_ the boy's tears cascaded against Remus' skin, lifeless and frozen. "I hate myself, my parents were right. I'm a failure", his sobs fought against his words, "I just wanted us to be friends; I let you down. Goodbye...".

"No _... stay with me",_ Remus fought against the murky depths of his brain, rising through to the boy. He reached out.

"I never meant to be so bitter, so jealous. You have many friends; I was not one of them. From the moment we met, I wanted you by my side, my friend, I failed you", he took a deep breath, it felt as if his lungs were filled with water, "It was a simple potion, it was only a prank, I _never meant to hurt you!"._

His grey eyes submerged by water, he leaned closer, "I don't know what it is, you are different, _special_. _I want you so much,_ _it hurts"._

He took Remus' hand, clasping it in his own, "I understand if you hate me, I really do. I will leave and never come back, but only if you tell me to".

Remus tightened his grip, holding onto the boy - he was the only thing left to save him from himself.

_"Sirius, I could never hate you..."._


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen: Strange.

* * *

 

'Sunlight broke its way through the curtains, burning my eyeballs. I awoke several times, always drenched in my own sweat. I sat, utterly confused.

It was one of those strange dreams again. It felt so real, but so far away: like seeing someone else's reflection in the mirror. I could not tell whether I was truly awake or if this was still part of the dream.

Had it _really_ happened?

 _No_.

Of course it hadn't.

Of course _he_ wouldn't.

Why would _he_ like _me?_

I shook my head, resisting the temptation to fall asleep again - in the hope of having another dream about _him,_ about _us._

The way we connected in the dreams, if it were real, I'd be the happiest person alive. In my dreams, nothing can stop me.

But here... Why am I such a _coward?_

When I look at him in my dreams, it's the best feeling: when I look at him in the day, I feel so ashamed.

What would _they_ say?

What would _they_ say if _they_ knew my deepest, darkest, most terrifying secret?

I don't want to be looked at like _that._ I don't want _him_ to hate me. I don't want _him_ to be disgusted at the thought of me. He doesn't even notice me, but at least he doesn't detest me.

I should tell _him._

I realise someone like _him_ could never _ever_ like someone like _me._ I know that. It just hurts so much to look at him and say nothing.

Someone like _him_ wouldn't even look at _me._ I'm nothing compared to _him._

 _No._ This is _my secret, and_ mine alone.

He must _never_ know'.


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

Chapter Ninteen: Hope.

* * *

 

His previous transformation felt a lifetime away, but the pain was as close as ever. No matter how many times Remus suffered his transformations, the pain never relented, never stopped, never left him. It is a cursed existence.

Remus had replayed the events of Hallowe'en over in his mind countless times. He felt so betrayed. The silver in the potion had been accidental, but his humiliation had been intentional. He had thought Sirius was worth so much more, until he pulled such a cheap trick.

The sunlight always stung when he opened his eyes. Often, Remus considered closing them and never waking up again. It had always been an unknown force that compelled him to drag himself through each day. Only recently had he discovered the name of this unknown force: hope. The hope that one day he would wake up normal. The hope that he would be happy. The hope that he would be accepted.

'What a pathetic thing to wish for', he thought bitterly.

'I don't even care if everyone hates me anymore. Maybe I should just tell everyone how disgusting I really am. Then, I'm certain someone will finish me off and I'll never have to think again'. He shook his head slightly, 'I'd never be so lucky...'.

Today was his first day back in class since the events of Hallowe'en. He had been absent for so long that many people had forgotten he existed, they stared at him as if he were a dead man walking. His thoughts were too preoccupied to care.

He didn't want to face his friends (if he even had any left), or Sirius, or Sirius' friends, but -worst of all- he didn't want to face Solis for three hours. The man was truly evil. Remus wished he would stop torturing him, he often had nightmares of being Solis' next kill. Today, he would be glad if it.

He sat down at his desk: three hours of agony, 'yay(!) Nothing new then', thought Remus, allowing his unspoken anger to build. Though he would never admit it, he often fantasied about brutally murdering Solis or publicity humiliating him, 'if I weren't such a coward...'.

"Nice to see you have bothered to turn up _Lupin_ ", Solis smiled cruelly, "Today we will be learning about the weaknesses of werewolves". Solis inched closer, "Do you know anything about that _Lupin_?".

Remus felt panic stricken into silence, but he also felt reckless. He had nothing to fear, "No Sir, _why would I?"_ , Remus said with a heavy amount of fake sweetness, 'Would he _dare_ tell everyone?'.

"Well, that's not surprising, is it? Your _kind_ don't know very much, do they?", Solis was resisting the temptation, but what he had said was enough. He had won, for now.

Terrorised into submission, yet again, Remus kept his face pressed against his desk and waited. A solitary lunch passed him by, as he could not find the strength to eat.

He trudged to his third hour with Solis, feeling particularly downtrodden. He took to his desk and prepared for the worse, but that was not what he found.

A cute basket with a yellow ribbon was placed on his desk. Inside were many chocolate muffins, they were still slightly warm and smelt so wonderful. Remus picked up the basket: certain they were not for him, he read the note propped against the muffins:

_'Dear Remus, I am glad you are feeling better. Though we do not know each other well, I wanted to show you how you have been missed'._

 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty: Newfound Resolve.

* * *

 

"Aldric! Alaric! Someone left cake on my desk! Look!", Remus felt so elated at the thought of someone making muffins for him, it had distracted him from all his worries and he couldn't imagine having ever been sad.

"That's great Remus!", Alaric was so relieved to finally have his friend back. Remus had been acting very strange for the past month and, admittedly, it had made him very difficult to be around.

"Be careful, there could be anything in those: you don't even know who made them", Aldric was ever wary of the threats posed by even the smallest, most mundane things. His caution made him nervous and reserved, he often aggonised over the most insignificant things and had recurring thoughts - involving the terrible outcomes of everything. His caution was - in this situation - very reasonable.

"Who cares? They taste amazing!", Remus skipped merrily towards the Gryffindor table, leaving Aldric and Alaric to catch up.

"Do you think he's ok?", Aldric cautioned, "He's acting rather odd...".

Alaric laughed. "Stop obsessing over nothing! He's happy, and honestly, I don't want him to be like _before",_ Alaric smiled as he jogged to catch Remus,

"Bye _guys!",_ Aldric shouted with mock irritation.

Walking towards the Slytherin table, Aldric sighed, "If you won't help me figure out what's wrong with Remus, brother, I know _someone_ who will!".

Aldric strode proudly to his seat with his newfound resolve and started to put his plan into motion.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One: The broken façade.

* * *

 

"Hey! Sev!", Aldric casually slipped into a vacant seat at the Slytherin table, "I need your help with something".

"No, I don't really _feel_ like helping you, Aldric", said Severus as he examined his pudding - slowly pushing it around with his spoon.

"Well, _Sev,_ I know your secret", Aldric paused, for dramatic effect. "Sooooo - unless you want everyone else to know too - you had better help me", he laughed slightly as he leaned closer.

"Urgh, _I know... Fine"_ , Severus looked at Aldric with a nonchalant expression.

"Great! I just knew you would _love_ to help me out, Sev!", Aldric grinned.

" _Sure",_ Severus sarcastically spoke.

"Remus has been getting Muffins off someone, I was wondering if you would know who may want to give him muffins", Aldric looked up; he saw Severus frown slightly. "Ha ha, have I hit a nerve Sevy? Do you think it was Lily?", Aldric grinned manically as he said this.

"No! I do not! Why would she give _him_ muffins?", Severus looked bitter; his façade fell apart at the thought.

"You're not so blank now, are you?", Aldric giggled, "Dont worry Sevy, I don't think it was Lily. These muffins seemed off".

"Off?", though Severus did not want to admit it, he was slightly worried.

"As in _dark_ ", Aldric sniggered, "I'm certain you know all about _that"._

Well I'm sure that - if you get me a sample - I can figure it out", Severus was not yet certain whether he was helping Aldric by choice or not.

"It's funny you should mention that...", Aldric revealed a muffin from the inside of his robes, "Ta da!".

Severus sighed. Though Aldric was an absolute nuisance, he certainly had his uses. "Get Lily, we need her _charm to win him over"._


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two: Crocodile tears.

* * *

 

 _'Sir?',_ said Lily softly as she entered the office, her arms wrapped behind her back and her fingers crossed.

"Hello, Lily!", said Slughorn with a bright smile, "How can I help you today?".

Severus and Aldric entered the room behind Lily, both were smiling sheepishly: there was absolutely no chance of this failing!

"We were just wondering if you could check something?", Lily looked down at the floor with a slightly saddened expression, "Severus believes this muffin has been tempered with, _spiked"._ She took a deep breath, the concern on her face was completely genuine, "Please can you tell us what is inside of this muffin". Lily's eyes met Slughorn's, "I'm just so worried and we didn't know who else could possibly help!".

Slughorn felt a pang of sympathy for Lily, 'poor girl, she is far too lovely for her own good...'. He stood up, "of course, come back later and I'll tell you everything".

"Thank you sir!", Aldric left the muffin on Slughorn's desk and left, chasing after Lily and Severus. He felt quite glad that they could finally get some answers - but he was also rather worried that his suspicions were still standing strong.

The three walked around the grounds and watched the light snow fall softly on the scenery. They finally found a quiet spot away from the numerous snowball fights and sat. The cold weather could not touch them here and now.

Severus smirked and - as it did not suit his face - Lily giggled, "What's so funny, Sev?".

Severus sighed, "Don't worry about it, Lily".

Aldric sat up, his dull eyes sparkled, "Why don't we _guess_ Lily". He cackled, "What's up with _our_ Sevy?". Aldric waited, and when nobody replied he spoke, "Maybe he's in looooove?", Aldric blew a kiss at Severus and winked.

Lily covered her face with her hands. "That's so adorable, Sev!" She squeaked with pure delight, "who's the lucky person?".

Severus threw a snowball at Aldric; it hit him directly in the face. Aldric started sobbing loudly and wailing about his 'tainted face'.

Severus instinctively glared, "Cut out the crocodile tears and pull yourself together".

Aldric crosses his arms and laughed, "You know me too well, Sevy!". Aldric's stomach rumbled, which caused his face to burn, "Let's go to lunch before I eat you both!". He ran off ahead at this idea, before anyone else could give their opinion.

Lily grabbed Severus' hands and hugged him tightly, "Don't forget what I said, do it for me, _please"._


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three: The Death Of Him.

* * *

 

"I'm not hungry", Severus looked momentary at a frowning Aldric and walked off. As Severus made his way through the hall, he shook. He couldn't stand it: there were always too many people everywhere.

Severus knocked the door with a great deal of apprehension, before deciding it was best to just go inside.

"Hello, Sir", he paused slightly, "I hope I am not bothering you, but did you find out?". Severus rolled his eyes (whilst closed, of course), he would never live it down if he actually cared! Especially about the stupidly quiet Gryffindor!

"Hello, Severus! I can't pretend that I am not surprised that it was you who came first", Slughorn laughed as he leaned forwards.

"Well then?", Severus huffed, he did not like Slughorn's overly jolly demeanour.

"It is a love potion, very dangerous stuff indeed, far worse than any poison", Slughorn looked genuinely concerned but Severus felt slightly amused, 'What kind of idiot would fall for the stupidly quiet, kind, even thoughtful Gryffindor?'.

"So what?", Severus could not imagine lovesickness would be deadly, not in the slightest.

"I believe our next course of action is to observe who Remus has taken a sudden interest in", Slughorn secretly felt impressed at whoever had brewed such a complex potion in their first year. If he had not seen Severus' determination to solve the case, he would have certainly suspected him.

"Then what?", Slughorn was far too slow, 'Could he not just make his point and dismiss me?'.

"The we need to keep them separate and punish the perpetrator", Slughorn stood up, "Though you may not realise it, this is far more serious than any prank".

"Yes, Sir. Thank you and goodbye", Severus had heard enough. He was going to catch the person who had stolen his friend, Lily's friend, and make them pay! Even if it was the death of him.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four: Him.

* * *

 

"Oi! Remus!", _he_ whispered, rather loudly, directly into Remus' ear.

' _Him_!', thought Remus, 'I... I can't believe it!'. He smiled, though nobody could see it in the darkness, 'What should I do?'. He eventually whispered back a simple "yes?".

"Can you come with me?",  _he_  impulsively grabbed onto Remus' hand and dragged him into the bathroom. "I just wanted to share something with you, alone". This was the first time Remus had ever seen _him_ look so nervous, it was a strange sight. _He_ pulled out a muffin and held it up to Remus' mouth, "Open wide!", he laughed.

Remus happily obliged, he took a singular, large bite before _he_ stole the rest for himself. Remus felt his cheeks light up, he put his hands over his face and grinned.

"Why are you embarrassed, Remus?", _he_ laughed _._ Remus considered it briefly, ordinarily he wouldn't dare admit it but recently he felt bold enough to do so.

"I think... I really...", Remus squirmed out of awkwardness, "I think I really like you, Sirius". He sighed, "But, I like you like I should like girls". He frowned, "It's wrong but you make me feel happy when I see you". Furrowing his brows, he continued, "I did not want to say because I know you could never feel the same: why would someone like you like someone like me?".

"Don't say that, Remus!", Sirius said, completely exasperated, "Recently, I have thought the same thing about you. It is just so annoying!", he laughed softly, "I don't want to like you, no offence, but I do like you! I like you more than pranks!".

"I am glad you feel that way", Remus smirked, "Then you can bake muffins for me every day!".

"Oh", Sirius awkwardly giggled, "Hate to break it to you but I didn't make these. They're not burnt after all!".


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five: Why Would I Do That?

* * *

 

Lily sat silently: she could not believe it.

Walking back to the common room after discovering the true nature of the muffins had left Lily feeling deeply unsettled. She didn't want to think anyone would want to _trick_ Remus into loving them.

However, Severus has been surprised that anyone would even like Remus. He had then added that this was not to be taken offensively, just that nobody seemed so obsessed with him that they would go to such disgusting lengths to win him over. Lily agreed.

These thoughts still lingered in Lily's mind as she watched him enter the common room. He had a half empty basket of muffins in his hand as he left the first year dormitory.

"Sirius! What do you think you are doing?!", Lily shouted as she stormed over to him.

"Why is that any of _your_ business, _Evans_?", sneered Sirius defensively. Though he wasn't prone to such things, he couldn't help but feel paranoid at the idea of nosy Lily Evans discovering his secret.

"I think you know _exactly_ what I mean, _Black_ ", spat back Lily aggressively. This visibly shocked Sirius, he would have never expected such a vicious temper on a girl as reserved as Lily.

"Well, I don't know, _actually._ Not everyone is a know-it-all like _you_!", Sirius felt shaken.

' _What does she know?'._

You're giving Remus love potions, _and you know it!",_ Lily hissed with utter contempt.

"What?!", Sirius stuttered slightly, "I... I would _never!"._ Sirius' horror was evident and, as much as Lily despised the boy, she secretly felt inclined to believe him.

"Who did then?!", her anger had tightened like a coil in her stomach, "Don't think I haven't noticed the way he looks at you!". She was barely resisting the urge to punch Sirius, her uncertainty was the only thing holding her back.

"Why would I do _that?",_ he felt as if all the air in the world was being drawn away.

"I love him!", he felt as if the floor under him would give under the strain.

"I'm not a monster! I would never _ever_ do that to him!", he felt as if his heart had been crushed under the weight of Lily's words.

'Does that mean... does that mean he doesn't really love me?', Sirius' brain faltered at the almost certainty of his agonising realisation.

"Why have you got the spiked muffins Remus has been drugged by then?!", Lily said quietly. She genuinely didn't think he knew, 'No one would look so broken if they were to blame'.

"They are not mine!", Screamed Sirius. He couldn't understand why they would do this.

"Who _do_ they belong to then?!", said Lily, upholding her accusatory act - despite no longer believing in her own convictions.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six: You Have No Right.

* * *

 

‘Urgh. How could _she_ be so stupid?', thought Sirius as everything mentally clicked into place.

"Look, Lily, I know you won't believe me so just come with me", said Sirius in the calmest tone possible, though - inside - he was enraged.

Lily nodded, she had no words that could describe what she wanted to say. She kept her silence as she followed Sirius, lower and lower they went, until they arrived in a corridor with a dead end.

Rolling her eyes slightly, Lily began to doubt Sirius' sincerity. However, her doubt was quickly replaced by confusion as Sirius rhythmically tapped a stack of barrels. This caused the barrels to move and Sirius crawled through the passage revealed: Lily followed him eagerly.

The room was warm and comforting, if not slightly overwhelming. Lily was certain Severus would describe the room as 'hiddious' or 'repulsive'. The sheer amount of yellow and copper was burnt into Lily's eyes, permanently.

"Oi! Adelaide!", Sirius screamed, "You have gone _too_ far this time!". Lily watched as the docile environment was shaken by Sirius' presence. Many students gawped at him whilst others contemplated getting rid of him, though ultimately deciding to just watch the show.

A small, blond haired girl descended one of the nearby staircases with an undeniable amount of elegance. She gracefully sat in a nearby armchair and looked up with her wide - if not vacant -violet eyes. "What is it, Sirius?", she asked sweetly.

"Why did you do _that_ to those muffins?", Sirius said fiercely, "Why did you dope Remus and I?".

No reply.

"How could you mess with my feelings like that?", Sirius looked as if he was about to break into a thousand tiny pieces, "How could you betray my trust?".

"It was for your own good", her eyes widened further. "Nothing can stand in the way of true love, I just needed to give it a shove in the right direction", she giggled without any hesitation and awaited Sirius' response.

"You make no sense. You have no right to mess with my feelings, _our_ feelings. I barely know the poor boy and - even if I did like him", Sirius looked at Lily sharply, "I would _never_ take advantage of him like that".

"I had good intentions!", she erupted into more nervous giggles, "I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to feel loved!".

"Stop laughing at me!", Sirius snapped, "Why are you acting like a control freak?". He felt all his anger at everyone redirect itself to her, "You can't just choose what is right and what is wrong and make decisions for people! We are people: not pieces of a sick game of chess! Why can't you see that?".

"I am sorry", cried Adelaide, "I didn't mean to make you sad... I just wanted you to be happy. I want to make everyone happy, and I always get it wrong!".

"Oh, Allgood... It isn't up to us to make other people happy. Sometimes the only person who can make them happy is themselves. Being sad is ok too", Lily said sadly. She could see exactly how Adelaide felt. Lily knew what it was like to want to make someone happy, only for then to be angry. "Please don't cry. I'm sure Sirius understands you weren't being mean".

"How can I tell Remus?", Sirius remarked flatly.

"Don't worry Sirius, I'm sure he will understand", Lily said and, knowing when enough has been said, she led him back to Gryffindor Tower in reflective silence.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty Seven: What Can You Say?

 

* * *

Sirius inhaled a deep breath and walked in.

The disappointment and shame he felt in himself at this moment exceeded anything his parents had ever instilled in him. The thought of hurting Remus' feelings felt like a thousand tiny needles being thrust into his chest.

'Can I really do this?', he thought, "No, but I must'.

He found that the room was - thankfully - almost empty; there was only one other boy facing him.

"Hi, Sirius!", Remus called cheerfully, "I'm so excited to see you!".

Sirius felt the stabbing sensation intensify. Closing his eyes, he felt as if he was drowning in guilt, but there was no way to reach the surface until he told the truth.

Sirius recounted the escapade surrounding the muffins in a tangled mess of words. He found himself tripping over the most basic words frequently and he could not bear to meet eyes with Remus. The weight on his conscience was slowly lifting as he confessed about the entire situation, and it really didn't feel as bad as he thought it would, whilst also feeling infinitely worse than anything imaginable.

"Oh", was all Remus uttered at the end of Sirius' lengthy story.

"I am sorry", that was the only other thing Remus could say as he stared at the specks of dust littering the floor.

Neither boy knew what to say next.

'What can you say at a time like this?'.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Eight: Everything Was Going To Change.

* * *

 

'What can you say at a time like this?'.

Remus had no idea how to process what was happening. A million thoughts raced through his mind but nothing came out of his mouth. He could not say all the things he felt, and there were no words to describe such a conflicting feeling.

Although he was incredibly heartbroken, Remus found it oddly reassuring that Sirius' love must have been fake. 'After all, why would anybody fall in love with me?', this is the thought that formed solidly in his mind, confirming all of his fears whilst erasing them.

He didn't want to be loved, it would hurt the other person; he wanted to feel loved, though he felt incredibly selfish for it.

"Sirius..", he began, trying to bring his feelings into the open but not knowing how to, "I know it is not your fault: your feelings were never real...", said Remus flatly as he tried his hardest to hide the dejection in his voice.

Sirius stared blankly, as if he was not even there at all. Seemingly snapping out of his trance, he straightened up and extended his hand out.

"Friends?", asked Sirius, looking at Remus with a small smile.

"Friends?", asked Remus, utterly confused at the situation, as he reached out to grasp Sirius' hand.

"Friends", Sirius laughed, swiftly 'side fiving' Remus - who was left looking deeply bewildered by this humorous gesture.

"Friends!", confirmed Remus. He joyfully grinned at the thought of finally becoming friends with the boy from the train.

Everything was going to change.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty Nine: A Marauder.

* * *

"Hey, guys! I want you to meet someone...", Sirius paused, realising he had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. "Well, we already know him but I don't think you KNOW him, you know?", Sirius laughed out of sheer awkwardness and continued, "Iiiiit's Remus!".

James looked briefly at Sirius, they exchanged glances in a speechless language of their own - as if their minds were connected - before James spoke to Remus, "Hi!".

Peter looked gleefully at Remus and laughed, "We already know each other, right? I'm really sorry that I didn't think to thank you!".

"It's quite alright", said Remus softly, his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as he spoke.

Both James and Sirius looked dumbstruck as they both shouted in unison, "What?!".

James' eyes lit up at the realisation of what Peter's face was showing, "What did he do?". He couldn't hold back the childish grin set upon his face as he asked this: it was just too difficult.

"Well...", Peter began in a drawn out but animated voice, "I had a run in with the snakes in the corridor...".

"And then?!", asked Sirius with a childish impatience that closely resembled the famous 'are we nearly there yet?'.

Peter cleared his throat: he was relishing the undivided attention of his 3 dorm-mates, "I really thought they had me, I just felt too scared to act - honestly - but that was when I heard a quiet whisper from behind the armour".

At this point, Remus looked rather pale and hugely uncomfortable. He had sincerely hoped his act of impulsive heroism had gone unnoticed, clearly, he was not so lucky.

"So Remus is standing there, and all I hear is 'pullus', and - at this point - I am bracing myself for a barrage of hexes from the Slytherins. Nothing happens. Instead, I hear the screams of Avery and Mulciber - you would never guessed that they sound like little girls. Do you know what they were screaming about?".

Sirius and James look from each other, then to a mortified Remus, before going back to each other, then finally returning themselves back to Peter with mischievous expressions, "No!".

"He has turned their wands into chickens! Real chickens! They were not happy chickens", Peter watched as James and Sirius burst into laughter, "Obviously, this was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen in my life so I attempted to run away whilst also watching the show unfold. That's it".

"That's it", said James, clutching his stomach, "That is the best prank ever, and here I was thinking you were a bit quiet and boring!".

"Clearly you were wrong", Sirius chipped in with an edge of sarcasm, it had not escaped his notice that Remus was not basking in glory. In fact, it looked as if he was trying to disappear.

"Clearly I was!", laughed James, "From this day forwards you deserve the legendary title of a Marauder!".

"Ummm... thanks?", Remus said in bewilderment.


	30. Chapter 30

 

Chapter Thirty: Yours Sincerely.

* * *

 

'Good Evening Diary!

It is almost Christmas, the snow has been magical, and my friendship with James, Sirius and Peter is still going rather well. They are very fun to be with, though I sometimes worry that I am too dull for them, they seem to like me - or at least I hope they do. I admittedly sometimes worry that they are only pretending to like me - though they have no reason to do so - and I cannot seem to push away those stupid thoughts.

Aldric and I are still sneaking Alaric into Gryffindor tower. Though they have not exactly given their blessings, I am thankful that the other Marauders (that is the name James, Sirius, Peter and I have given ourselves) do not seem to be particularly offended by it and even join us when we have been 'caught'. We even had a snowball fight - all together - after class today.

I would also like to mention the kindness Lily and Severus have shown me, I really enjoy spending time with them as I have similar interests to them. They are very intelligent and kind, I hope to be like them.

I remember the way James and Sirius teased Severus on the train, and I remember being sympathetic towards him - though I was too cowardly to help him. I feel torn between my friends as I do not want to lose any of them. Everyone is important to me. I feel scared of being alone again, but I do not want to make anyone else feel sad. I do not understand why everyone cannot just get along...

Regardless, as Christmas is so near I have been exchanging gifts with everyone. It was a new experience so I have spent some time thinking of what everyone would enjoy the most and - so far - my gifts have been well received.

I look forward to the holidays. I will be spending time with my parents - who I have missed very much. I will also be spending time with James, Sirius and Peter at James' house. We will be exchanging gifts then and I feel very nervous about spending the entire day together with each other's families - though Sirius' parents declined their invitation.

We go back to school soon after New Years; I am dreading New Years as the change of the year happens to fall on a full moon. It is strange that I will not realise the moment the year changes this time - maybe it is not very important but it is important to me.

I hope I am not too sickly when we return to school soon after, I have been terrified of anyone discovering my secret. I imagine that - if they were to discover my secret - all of my friends would hate me (except maybe Lily because she is too nice) and I would have to leave school. Everything I have worked very hard for would be gone.

I do not wish to finish on a sad note so I promise to have fun this holiday!

Goodbye diary, yours sincerely,

Remus Lupin'.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty One: Better Left Unsaid.

* * *

 

"Christmas was bloody good, wasn't it?", shouted james - despite the four of them being quite close in the cosy compartment.

"Yeah!", Sirius screamed, outdoing James and making his loudness seem feeble, "My parents were absolutely furious when they saw those muggle motorcycle magazines you gave me Remus!". Sirius paused (purely for dramatic effect), " Best gift ever!".

Remus looked up, the sunlight burning his eyes (however, he did not wish to close the curtains, as this would be problematic); every muscle screamed in protest at this tiniest action as he turned to face Sirius, "No problem". He paused (out of genuine hesitation) before adding, "I do hope your parents were not unkind to you, Sirius".

Everyone knew exactly what Remus was referring to, though no one had yet had the courage to state such a thing plainly. Some things were better left unsaid - and Remus immediately felt regretful for what he had implied. It was a touchy subject to say the least. He could not even pretend he understood how Sirius felt but he knew he would still be there for him, they all would be.

"How come you did not come to see the fireworks anyways Remus?", asked Peter bluntly, though not unkindly, in an effort to save Sirius' feelings.

'"Well I actually felt rather tired, and sick, very, very sick", Remus felt himself panicking as he struggled to remember what excuses he had not used previously, "I really think fireworks are overrated regardless". He was a terrible liar, they all knew he found such things incredibly exciting but they knew better than to question it.

They had long since realised that Remus was an incredibly rubbish liar. In fact, it was within a very short period that the other Marauders had figured out that he was lying quite often, but they could see that he clearly did not want to do so.

They reasoned that his reason for lying must be very important - as he did not want to tell even them - and they could not find a way to open him up. Despite all the conspiracy theories, they had not found a logical answer for his monthly disappearances.

'Peter had stupidly suggested that Remus was a werewolf, but that was ridiculous: Remus is far too lovely for that', thought Sirius. 'The very thought of such a thing is unfathomable, he's just not evil in any way, shape or form', but the idea still lingered in Sirius' mind, and he could not shake it. Every time he looked at Remus on the train, he kept thinking 'What if it were to be true?' and every time he would momentarily dismiss such an ugly thought. It was insulting because it could not be true.

Peter, sensing that there was a large amount of tension in the air, sought to steer the conversation as far away from sensitive subjects as possible. "I thought it was very unfair to have such a huge amount of homework! Don't you agree everyone?", Peter said, exaggerating his words and spreading his arms apart - so much that he accidentally whacked James, Sirius and Remus in the faces.

"Definitely!", agreed a suddenly outraged James, "Writing anything for Professor Binns is impossible, the man sends me to sleep so I have learnt absolutely nothing!".

"I really do hate A History of Magic!", agreed an equally outraged Sirius.

Remus, however, had found History incredibly interesting (when Binns was not droaning on). He knew that this must be the most unpopular opinion ever, so he said nothing.

Peter couldn't care less about homework: it was just too difficult and not worth the hassle.

Sirius continued James' rant in his place, "And I am absolutely sick of Defence Against the Dark Arts!", he declared. "Like we get it, Werewolves are terrible, they're dangerous and eat people blah blah blah". He continued, barely taking a breath, "Does Solis seriously think we need to be taught that Werewolves are evil? Everybody knows that! Even Peter knows that!".

Peter was mortally offended: Remus was angry, no, he was not angry, he just felt sad. His chest felt like a deflated balloon and he wanted to cry, but he also wanted to scream. He knew his friends would hate him, he knew it.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty Two: Siriusly.

* * *

 

"Don't you feel like school has been _Siriusly_ lackingexcitement guys?", asked James with a large grin.

Remus and Peter both sighed, this was the one hundredth time they had heard such a pun - and though they agreed with James' statement - they could not hide their disdain for it.

Sirius however was loving the joke - regardless - and couldn't help but feel it was his duty, no, the Marauders' duties to bring some excitement back, "I think we know what this means".

Peter squeaked with excitement as he removed the loose floorboard of their room. Swiftly, he pulled out a small, black notebook- which Remus had bought from a muggle shop - as well as a biro - which was also bought from the same muggle shop. Peter then proceeded to cover the floorboard up again, just as fast as he had revealed it, and - moments later - there wasn't a single trace of the Marauders' hiding space.

"The exams are over, so now we really need something to do", whispered James with a sly grin, "something memorable, to say farewell".

"Say farewell to whom?", asked Remus nervously. He knew the answer would probably not be ideal, but he also knew that once James had a plan his mind wouldn't be changed. That look on his face implied he already knew exactly what he wanted, and he was going to get it. No matter what.

"Well", said Sirius, who was clearly already in on James' plan (if not the one to have suggested it), "We do have _someone_ in mind". Sirius laughed briefly at this and grinned knowingly, straight at Remus.

"What is it?", asked Remus, feeling increasingly worried.

Peter seconded this, though he was not worried and just curious, "Yeah, please tell me!".

James rolled his eyes and tutted mockingly, "Really Peter? You already know! Do you not remember our plan?".

Peter let out a small gasp, "Oh yes!", as the sudden realisation hit him: he did indeed know exactly what they were speaking of.

Sirius looked at Remus and smiled warmly, "This one is a surprise for you so you must wait to see".

James, seeing the deeply confused look on Remus' face, decided to tease the secret further, "Let us just say that some things in this school are cursed, and we (as marauders) are just doing our bit to help fate along".


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty Three: Vermiculus.

* * *

 

Super duper secret - don't tell Remus Lupin - plan!

By James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew.

This is for our eyes only! ~ _James_.

DO NOT READ ON REMUS! ~ _Sirius_.

Yeah, Remus, you'll ruin the surprise! ~ _Peter_.

Anyways... ~ _James_.

Step 1: Practice the spell! ~ _James_.

What spell? ~ _Peter_.

VERMICULUS, _siriusly_ Peter? ~ _Sirius_.

Check! we practiced it on the snakes last Tuesday, and it was hilarious! ~ _James_.

Did you see Snivellus' face? ~ _Sirius_.

Yeah! IT WAS AMAZING! ~ _James_.

Part two, guys? ~ _Peter_.

Sorry about that! ~ _Sirius_.

Step Two: At the final feast, jinx Sir Whiny Git with said spell ~ _James_.

According to my EXTENSIVE research, Sir Whiny Git HATES worms! ~ _Sirius_.

 _Sure (!)_ ~ _James_.

I'm _siriusly_ telling you the truth! ~ _Sirius_.

Step 3: Sir Whiny Git screams like a girl and runs away! ~ _James_.

Never to be seen again! ~ _Sirius_.

Step 4: Remus is eternally happy and we get our best friend back to normal! ~ _Sirius_.

The curse strikes again! ~ _James_.

Hello, Remus, if you are ever naughty enough to ignore a stern 'DO NOT READ ON REMUS' sign! ~ _Peter_.

Hello, Remus! ~ _James_.

See ya, REMUS! ~ _Sirius_.

P.S. I was going to draw us all waving but then I remembered I cannot draw. ~ _Peter_.

P.S. (Part TWO) I love Biros! They're so awesome! ~ _James_.

P.S. (Part THREE) We Love You Remus! You're so Awesome! ~ _Sirius_.

P.S. (Part FOUR) I'm just joking, my friend! ~ _Sirius_

P.S (Part FIVE) Or am I? Hmm... ~ _Sirius_.


	34. Chapter 34

* * *

Chapter Thirty Four: The End-of-Year Feast:

* * *

 

Dumbledore stood slowly, allowing silence to fall before speaking, he said, "Hello everyone. Hopefully your heads are all a little fuller than they were... you have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts...".

He soaked in the anticipation that rippled throughout the room, smiling slightly at the nervous eyes that stared back, "Though I would like nothing more than to begin the feast, we have one pressing matter at hand: The House Cup".

The energy in the room swelled as the speculative whispers of everyone passed around the room. Like a game of misinformed Chinese Whispers, no one could be certain of the truth.

"Oh, I do hope Gryffindor wins!", squeaked Peter in his quietest voice. He seemed to be shaking slightly as he said this, and Remus could not help but worry if he were to be disappointed.

Remus lent close to Sirius and voiced his worries almost silently, "I do hope our _antics_ have not cost Gryffindor".

Sirius was on the verge of laughing, but then it dawned on him that this was a legitimate possibility. Nevertheless, he was determined to reassure Remus, despite his own uncertainties, "Do not worry, I doubt we alone would be responsible".

Remus considered this, his brows furrowing as he did so; he finally deliberated, "I suppose you are correct...".

"That I am, Remus. That I am", Sirius laughed.

"Shhhhh! They're announcing the winners!", shouted James.

'Well that's ironic', thought Remus. He had no time to say such a thing, however, as Dumbledore has cleared his throat and was evidently about to announce the winners.

"Hufflepuff! Well done for all of your hard work this year!", Dumbledore proclaimed.

His voice was quickly drowned by the triumphant shouts of the jubilant Hufflepuffs, as well as the mumblings of the losing houses - to a lesser extent.

"Well, that is rather rubbish!", sulked James, rather petulantly.

"I am sure that they deserved it, Hufflepuffs are really quite nice, you know?", replied Remus fairly. Peter and Sirius both quickly agreed, followed by a reluctant James.

Dumbledore summoned the final feast and announced that it was time to eat. James looked to Sirius, Sirius looked to Peter, Peter looked to James; the three boys grinned devilishly at one another.

Peter immediately took his position and ran, as fast as his short legs could carry him, directly to the opposite side of the room. He yelled incomprehensible nonsense and everyone's eyes flicked towards him. He had caused the perfect distraction: now it was their chance!

James scurried into his position, under the cover of concerned students. Positioning himself beside the professors' table, he grinned wildly. Now, he waited.

Peter suddenly regained all composure and gave a thumbs up to Dumbledore, or so they thought. Dumbledore reciprocated the action and sat back down, which prompted everyone else to follow suit.

Sirius looked towards the staff table and winked. James knew what to do, "VERMICULUS!".

He had directed all of his magic towards Solis' plate. This caused a mass of squirming, fat worms to writhe about in front of Solis. This caused Solis to scream, like no man should be able to. His voice could could be likened to that of a six year old girl; his eyes could be likened to bulging boulders falling off of a cliff.

Sirius smirked, 'I suppose the rumours were indeed true, I shall have to thank my informant'.

Everyone in the room paused. Some wanted to laugh and some wanted to scream, but everyone was too shocked to produce an immediate response.

'The show is not over yet', thought Sirius as he prepared himself for the final step (improvised though it was), Sirius was ready.

"ALARTE ASCENDARE!", screamed Sirius, focusing all of his willpower on his cause, 'this is for you, Remus...'.

The screaming intensified and Solis flung himself backwards, out of pure fear. The worms, previously merely sat on Solis' plate, had now been flung directly into his face.

Solis stood up, he was shaking violently (as if he were performing some crazed ritual), in an attempt to rid himself of the worms. He was visibly shaking with anger as he spoke with an unheard of level of softness, "Vile children... you shall pay for this. I wish to never see you again".

He fled the Great Hall, cursing as he went, his final words were, "I QUIT!".

Every student in every house roared with uncontainable laughter at the sight of a worm infested Solis, crying to himself as he stormed away.

Remus was mortified. It was written all over his face - and he made no effort to hide this. Though - inside - he was utterly conflicted: on the one hand, he despised Solis and wished nothing but to see him leave: on the other, his friends had landed themselves in deep. _Very_ deep.

"Boys! Outside, _now!",_ screamed McGonagall, she looked incredibly flustered at this unheard of disruption.

"All _four_ of you", added Dumbledore. He did not look angry, just slightly confused.

James, Sirius and Peter followed their professors proudly out of the large, wooden doors. Remus, not so proudly.

"May I ask _why_ you chose to do such a thing?", questioned Dumbledore, his blue eyes shining with curiousity.

Sirius immediately spoke up, "All year Solis has been embarrassing _my friend,_ Remus!", he looked as fierce as any lion as he spoke, "He deserved what he got!". Sirius then quickly added, "Sir!" - just to be safe.

James hastily added, "Though Remus had no part in our plan!".

Peter agreed, "Punish us: not him!". The other boys all resolutely nodded with agreement at Peter's sentiment.

"Hmm, I see...", Dumbledore pondered for a moment, whilst McGonagall gawped at him: she had no words for Dumbledore condoning such actions, such _reckless_ actions, and she was the Head of Gryffindor!

Dumbledore declared his verdict, "I believe you have good intentions, and for that your punishment is nothing, so long as you remember the loyalty you have shown today". He looked towards the horizon and continued, "It is time for you to board the train, I do hope you have a wonderful summer, boys".

"You too, Sir", they stated with passion, "And you too, ma'am!". The four boys then ran off, towards the swarming mass of students that had accumulated outside.

"Thank you, everyone. I really mean it", said Remus reflectively, "This year, has been the best year of my life... Thanks to you".


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty Five: Silver Dreams:

* * *

 

He pulled his face back. The silver dreams - that had shown him so much - slipped away as he rose to the surface.

The shock of being in _his_ thoughts was nothing compared to the shock of seeing _him_ for the very first time. Pulling away felt as painful as the permanent separation that haunted his dreams. The shadows that lingered and shifted, never giving him answers, had finally started to solidify.

"I do hope you are not upset?", asked McGonagall with motherly concern. She placed her hand upon his shoulder and looked into his eyes. Just yesterday, he was a newborn baby, but today he was an eleven year old boy - just about to begin his first year at Hogwarts.

He merely smiled and meekly nodded. Flecks of amber flickered across his eyes, shining through the tears he bravely withheld. 'The resemblance is uncanny', she thought with a grim sense of fondness and loss.

"You're a poor liar too, you know?", she whispered as she held him close. She didn't want to let him go. She regarded herself as a second grandmother to the boy - just as she had considered _them_ all her children, all her boys. But now they were all gone. _Dead._

She had never imagined she would outlive them, but she had never imagined they would die either. It was unthinkable. They were so full of life, so full of charm, an unstoppable force of nature. So much loyalty, so much bravery...

If only she had known. But how could anyone have know _he_ would become a cowardly traitor? If only she could go back and warn them. If only she could have kept him from going wrong.

'No more what ifs. I must live in the present', she thought adamantly as she looked down at the boy she held so close.

"I was so excited to see them all. It felt like they were alive for the first time. Not just words on a page, not just stories I believed, not just pictures in a book. People. _Real_ people. But now I feel so sad. I wish I could meet them", said the boy solemnly. Tears cascaded down his face, unstoppable like a waterfall, he sobbed uncontrollably into McGonagall's robes.

"Your father left these for you, and others gave what they had. It was all he left to you; memories are the most sacred treasure of all", by now, McGonagall was also sniffling, though she did not feel the need to hide this from him. He understood.

"It is natural to feel sad. You can see what might have been. You were closer than ever to someone you will never meet. Like trying to reach through the mirror, you grasp for your desires but you can never come close enough".

McGonagall had managed to stifle her own tears, and her voice soothingly reached out to the boy, "They sacrificed so much for you to be here today. They would _all_ want you to be happy. You have to carry on, even when it is difficult, _for them"._

"I know you are right", he said, hauling himself against the weakness in his voice. "Thank you for showing me this.", he whispered humbly as he squeezed tighter. "Maybe, one day, I will be ready to see more".

McGonagall stepped away from him, severing the grief stricken tie that had bound them together, "They _loved_ you, Teddy. Remember that".


End file.
